When the umbilical cord stretches to school …

Have you ever been accused or blamed by a parent for harming their child’s self-esteem? Maybe you are too severe? Uncompromising? Inflexible?

The student’s personal esteem

Nowadays, parents often act in the school environment by accusing the school interveners who interact with it, as what their intervention threatens the personal esteem of their child. Listening to these parents talk, everything suggests that self-esteem is a small piece of china that the child wears daily in his hands and the shocks inadvertently suffered in school are a threat to his integrity. Yet developing children’s self-esteem is a lifelong business. It is obvious that during adolescence, it is a fragile element of the personal development of the pupil. However, it should not be overlooked that school is the first real micro-society in which he is immersed and that this esteem will be shaped throughout his school career. And it will be at the mercy of facilitating moments, but also, it will be manufactured thanks to more difficult moments. Note that the wordgrace is indeed appropriate: obstacles are indeed desired in a school environment and they are not, however, obstacles to the development of the child’s personal esteem.

Is it necessary to remember that self-esteem is an asset that develops in a complex way in various environments at the same time? Indeed, it develops as much in family as at school through sports and the social or friendly network. It is not an element innate to the child. On the contrary, because it is the result of a multitude of factors external and internal to the child.

Smooth out the child’s path?

Too often, the parent considers that by smoothing out the student’s course and by purging the child’s educational path of the challenges he is likely to encounter, we avoid the pitfalls that could damage the sacrosanct self-esteem of their protégé. In reality, quite the opposite is likely to occur. A student who comes up against obstacles in his school career develops resilience skills and develops tools that will be useful to him throughout his life. In addition, healthy confidence in one’s means is gradually being established. The student becomes aware of his strengths and weaknesses. To do this, it can count on the help of its teachers and all the school workers who are at its disposal.

If the pupil does not confront his own limits and does not learn to develop tools to face these obstacles, he is only carrying over these situations that he will eventually face in adulthood, on the market of work, still without the tools that he still did not bother to acquire when he was young. This adult will unfortunately be devoid of perseverance and will more easily be abandoned in the face of the challenges that will arise in front of him. He will have serious difficulties in meeting professional and personal challenges.

The extension of the umbilical cord

The relationship between the school environment and the family environment is one of complementarity. The first completes the family educational work. It is in this sense that the parent must be an ally in the school environment and everyone must work in the same direction to ensure rigor, coherence and cohesion between the two reference environments for young people. There is no reason to oppose it in the name of preserving the personal esteem of one’s child. The school works in parallel with the family dynamic and, like the parent, it aims for what is best for those protected.

However, the school environment is sovereign over that of the parents. Given that the first is a large family which sometimes exceeds 2,000 children, there must be rules specific to that of a public environment populated by minors. If, basically, all agree on the relevance of these rules of life, the fact remains that the discourse often changes when these rules have direct negative consequences on his own child. And it is from this moment, when the parent more and more openly chooses the camp of his child by opposing a decision of the school that the problems arise.

Often the problem is the parent’s emotional bond with their child, which we can think of as an extension of the umbilical cord. Some parents are always connected in this way to their child and they must take a step back to let the student face his difficulties on his own. It is clear that the parental role must be that of accompanist and not that of facilitator.

The conspiracy theory: you don’t like my child

The involvement of parents in the school life of their child is obviously desirable.

The reasons for his involvement are all the more important. Does he do it for the sake of teamwork, for the benefit of his child or by monitoring what is done at school by showing himself as the guardian of his child’s personal esteem?

Unfortunately, the balance of parental involvement in school life is difficult to achieve since, for those who tend to invest too much, the notion of trust is of capital importance while the parent must understand that teachers aim for the good. -being of their students by achieving it in another way. They are objective since they are not bound by parental feelings in the exercise of their function. Finally, parents must respect the professional sovereignty of school stakeholders instead of claiming to be school experts, because they too have already been there.

This lack of confidence, combined with a lack of respect for the professional autonomy of stakeholders, all combined with an obvious emotivity when it comes to their child, gives rise to the phenomenon of parent-kings. This imperialist attitude allows this parent to tend to extend the limits of his kingdom to the school world. The principle is that the latter expects the school world to be managed like this parent does in his family. And these expectations partly explain the princely attitude of their child.

The conflicts that follow often give rise to aberrations which demonstrate to us that these parents and students expect the school world to oscillate around their own needs. And when this is not the case, the school interveners are at the origin of the worst alleged bullying. The you don’t like my child are arguments used that are often aberrant while being pathetically amusing .

The antidote to this situation is the promotion of the teaching profession and the school world. Very few patients dispute their doctor and even rarer are the passengers who criticize the pilot of their plane in mid-flight. The educational work, led by the teachers and the school team, works daily to produce results which will be visible in the very long term and which definitely go well beyond simple academic results. We must therefore change our vision of education since the school world actively participates in the making of citizens in the making and this contribution must be socially recognized. And this recognition begins with a certain respect for the autonomy of the school world.